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Date Posted: 30/12/2001
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Author: P.M. Greaves
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Yesterday, three hours forty six minutes into his Rollerskate around the world attempt, Nick Hamperton was stopped in his tracks after reaching the coastline of Britain...
"My colleagues led me to believe the world was conjoined as a united mass of earth" said an astonished Hamperton. "This effort hardly seems to be worth any of the £3.5m we spent on researching skate wheels that could be used across the frozen lakes of Siberia. In the end we just settled for ice-skates."
His failure comes just weeks after American, Chester Largesock failed to pull off a fakie-to-frontside-4,976,640°-nose-grab across the Atlantic Ocean.
When asked if he will attempt the feat again, Hamperton predicted so upon the coming together of the continents within at least the next sixty billion years or hiring a boat.
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