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Date Posted: 28/12/2002
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Author: P.M. Greaves
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Yesterday it was reported by Brigitte Boisselier, an insane scientist, that a cloned baby had been born in the US as an exact replica of her mother.
"She has her mother's eyes, hair, ears, facial shape... you get the point, she's even going to have the same sized tits as her mother." Said Boisselier initially in a press conference.
Some sceptics have fired accusations towards Boisselier and her "Clonaid" group that the baby is not actually cloned at all. We exclusively spoke to these sceptics and they showed us some disturbing research videos from the Clonaid group. We can only describe what we saw as flabbergasting.
Firstly, Boisselier hand-picked a married couple and took them into a dimly lit room. They were forced to remove their clothes and the male's genitals were inserted into the female's repeatedly until the inevitable. Nine months later, the baby was born.
Boisselier retaliated with, "So half of the child originated from a male sperm cell and half of the child originated from the mother's egg thus being an exact half/half hybrid of her parents. So f**king what? I created a life goddammit!!!"
When we attempted to inform the scientist that this is the procedure that every sexually reproducing couple throughout the animal kingdom has to complete we just had a very heavy door slammed in our faces.
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